I Never Noticed I Couldn't See the Leaves

     When a friend from college got contact lenses, she told me, "It's like all of a sudden I can see in 3-D."  I wear contacts, so I knew what she meant.  The world just seems a little closer, a little more realistic.  That's how I began to feel yesterday.  I woke up feeling like I was back; I have returned from the darkside. 
     DaVinci was having a football weekend, and I'm a little tired of it.  Saturday night was spent drinking with FaceMom, another wife of the group.  She went crazy a few years ago and left her husband and two kids to be a lesbian.  We talked for hours about being crazy, and the stupid things we've done.  Sober and in the real world, I'm not so sure we could be friends.  Apparently, we have a lot in common.  It felt kind of good to talk to someone about things I've never told anyone.  We talked about men and mistakes.  We talked about sex, anguish, and coping techniques.  Oh, the sweet relief of honesty.  I had never even told my therapists some of the things I told her.  We talked about times we've cheated and been cheated on.  We talked about the men we miss, the ones who made us feel great, the ones who made us feel worthless.  We told each other about things we wish we could've avoided (even if it means a different life now).  I've told people about my suicide attempts, just never felt understood until MomFace.  She told me about what happened to her as a child, her mother, and what she thinks that means for her now.  I told her about the drugs, the men, and cutting myself.  As long as we don't got insane together, I finally feel like I can talk to someone about all of this.
     The second part of my football-free weekend involved a friend from high school.  I haven't seen him in years, so I was expecting it to be all "blast from the past."  It was so much better than that!  We hung out for hours and talked books.  Books!  Real books!  Borges, Marquez, Lawrence, Pinter, Beckett, Frisch.  Like I said before, I'm good at writing about literature.  I just never learned the professional terminology, like what kind of approach it is, and what it is I'm doing.  Nor have I ever read anything about it.  Thank goodness for Grad Students!  He has since sent me a list of books about the approach and theories about it.  I have hit the jackpot, and grad school is going to be so much better now.  We're both going to read selections from Borges's Collected Fictions and meet up around Thanksgiving to talk about them.  Like a book club.  Like friends.
     I have never been happier to have a friend.